Groucho Marx Quotes

Groucho Marx

US comedian with Marx Brothers (1890 - 1977)

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Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Categorized under Age

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A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

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We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

Categorized under Success

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From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

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My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.

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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

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I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

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The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

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I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

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In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

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Women should be obscene and not heard.

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Love goes out the door when money comes innuendo.

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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

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I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

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I have nothing but confidence in you. And very little of that.

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You are only as old as the woman you feel.

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Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?

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Politics doesn

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I like my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

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I aughta join a club and beat you over the head with it.

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If i cannot smoke in heaven, then i shall not go.

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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

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Go, and never darken my towels again.

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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

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